Each week as I am standing at the edge of the pool, I still have to ask myself:

Are you up to the challenge?

As I mentioned in my last post, swimming has always been one of my biggest fears.  Since I was a little girl, I loved being by the water but was trapped— trapped by this fear that I would drown.  I remember my mother always holding my hand as we stood along the edge of the water at the beach telling me to be careful not to go in or I would drown.  I became so paralyzed by this fear that I rarely ventured past my waist even as I grew older.

This spilled over into the rest of my life.  I learned to always give in to my fears.  If I were afraid of something, I would just not do it.  Swimming was one fear. The other was making a life of my own.

From childhood, I always felt that cleaning the house was my only talent.  That is what I was good at, so there wasn’t any reason for me to go after my dreams, let alone have any.  I believed that the same way I believed I would drown if I ventured into the water.   Every decision I made for the next 30 years was based on those beliefs and the fears I had.  I always chose what I thought was safe and predictable.

But then, three years ago, I became a divorced mother of two teenage girls.  I had been married to my high school sweetheart for 20 years and spent many years clinging to the beliefs and fears that stemmed from my childhood.  And yet, this had not kept me from drowning in marriage.  So I finally decided to face my fear and move forward.

As I stand on the edge of the pool, I ask myself, “Are you up to the challenge?”  I close my eyes as I picture myself jumping off the edge into the crystal blue water:

YES I AM!

Maribel Torres lives, writes, and swims in New York.

I’ve always loved the ocean, so beautiful and full of life.  How many times have I dreamt of swimming in the clear, blue Mediterranean, splashing about with my lover, the salty water licking our lips, our legs intertwining below the surface?  There is only one problem with my harlequin romance: I can’t swim and I am deathly afraid of being in the water.

I have spent so many summers sitting on my blanket looking longingly at my children and all the other beach-goers doing what I secretly desired to do.  I knew I needed to get over my fear of the water, or my dream would never come true.  After all, when I did get to the Mediterranean, did I really believe I was just going to jump in and magically start swimming?  I did not want to still be sitting on that blanket watching every one else live my dream.

So this past November, at 44 years of age, I finally decided to take swimming lessons.  I figured I just needed a few lessons to get over my fear and then I could just take it from there.  Swimming didn’t look all that hard; besides, I didn’t want to be Michael Phelps.  I just wanted to be able to tread water and swim about a little bit.  After all, my lover (who happens to be a great swimmer) was going to be right next to me.  He would be my life vest, just in case.

At my first lesson, I learned how to put my head under the surface without water going up my nose (I don’t know why my kids didn’t share this valuable piece of information).  This made a world of difference for me.  I didn’t feel like I was going to drown so I was able to concentrate on learning all the basics and the different swim strokes.  I never thought, at my age, I would learn to overcome one of my biggest fears and in doing so find a new workout regimen I love.

It has been 3 ½ months since that first lesson and I can proudly say that I am now a swimmer.  Although I may never become an Olympic swimmer, I now realize how physically challenging swimming really is. I have already signed up for a swim fit class and I am sure that when I get to the Mediterranean, my blanket will be empty and my lover (no longer my backup flotation device) will just have to keep up with me.

Maribel Torres lives, writes, and now swims in New York.

Jeanine Casler is off today.