The summer I started working out was also the same summer I came out.
After two years of college, confusion, and ill-fated crushes, I had come to accept my same-sex desire and proudly began identifying myself as gay. No doubt, my foray into weightlifting was spurred on by the impossibly ripped bodies found in the homoerotic photography of David Morgan, Herb Ritts, and Tom Bianchi.
Those muscular male bodies more marble than men: how I wanted to embrace them. So I chiseled away at my amorphous self until a hard, toned, well-articulated body emerged.
And yet, more than mere narcissism drove my bodybuilding obsession.
I came out during the heyday of ACT UP and Queer Nation. AIDS had already decimated the gay, Latino, and African-American communities, and a lethal combination of government inaction and pharmaceutical greed only threatened to increase the body count. Groups like ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) and Queer Nation sought to remedy the situation, exercising political muscle by staging brilliant and media-grabbing acts of civil disobedience.
Faced with a world hell-bent on my extinction, building lean muscle mass seemed like the most natural thing to do. Working out was a way of affirming, to myself and to the world, that my queer body was of value. I vowed to care for this body, even if the culture around me didn’t seem all that interested in caring for me. Interestingly, as I attended to my own body, I also began to attend to others. As I counted reps and packed on pounds, I began to imagine what it might be like to inhabit other bodies, bodies less fortunate than mine. I became increasingly aware of the institutionalized and systematic violence visited upon female, nonwhite, ill, and/or elderly bodies. For me, going to the gym went hand in hand with a growing political consciousness.
This past week I found myself thinking back to that first summer in the gym as I watched Milk, Gus Van Sant’s tour de force film on the life of Harvey Milk, the nation’s first openly gay elected official. I am usually not given to praising straight-identified actors playing gay roles— I mean, would it have killed Van Sant and the film to have cast just one openly gay actor in a leading role? After all, Milk himself intoned,
If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door.
If Van Sant couldn’t find any open homos in homophobic Hollywood, he could have at least nationally campaigned for one; at the casting call, he could have borrowed Milk’s favorite opener:
My name is Harvey Milk and I’m here to recruit you.
— but Sean Penn really does deliver a spot-on performance, exemplifying just how powerful an act it can be to imaginatively inhabit a life not one’s own. Milk himself possessed an amazing ability to identify with and bring together people from vastly different backgrounds. He cobbled together a queer coalition of lesbians and gays, seniors and Teamsters, women and minorities of different creeds and colors.
At one point in the film, the homophobic and homicidal Dan White (played by Josh Brolin) speaks disapprovingly of the blatant display of scantily clad bodies during San Francisco’s Gay Freedom Day Parade. But Milk understood that it was just this sort of naked display of bodies that makes such marches politically effective. The crowd scenes in the film, especially those taken from archival footage, demonstrate the powerful presence any one body can muster, especially when it forms solidarity with other bodies. I couldn’t help but remember my first Gay Pride Parade— that long, beautiful, queer tapestry shimmering with every possible body type: the muscle boys, the drag queens, the radical fairies, the leather dykes and daddies; the schoolteachers, the union workers, the politicians; the gay Latinos, Asians, Pacific Islanders, African Americans, transgender persons of every ethnicity; triathletes, cyclists, swimmers, soccer, volleyball and rugby players; Catholics, Lutherans, Unitarians; LGBT seniors, Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays…. I was fascinated by the seemingly endless parade of possibilities, the myriad ways a body could just be in this world.
At the film’s end, I found myself crying as the candle-lit procession of bodies bore silent witness that, despite Milk’s assassination,
Hope will never be silent.
Watching Milk did indeed give me hope, even as I despaired at the audacity of a President-elect who speaks of hope, but still invites the voice of bigotry to speak at his inauguration. Many have commented on hearing an uncanny echo of JFK and Martin Luther King, Jr. in Obama’s speeches. But when Obama told the crowd in Grant Park,
But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to— it belongs to you.
I could also hear Harvey Milk reminding the crowd the day of his victory:
It’s not my victory, it’s yours and yours and yours. If a gay can win, it means there is hope that the system can work for all minorities if we fight.
Whether or not Obama is able to bring about the change we so desperately need, I still have faith in the movement he represents— that gloriously diverse multitude that elected him. Or, to quote Milk:
So as we turn the calendar and return to the gym after our long hiatus, I invite everyone to meditate on Milk, the US’s and hope.
Allen Durgin is the editor of Blog Further: A Workout for Your Body and Your Brain. He can be reached at allendurgin@furtherfitness.com.
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
January 13th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
What a workout for my brain! An inspiring and thought-provoking piece. With all the emphasis that we as a society put on our bodies and what they represent, we can only hope that one day we, as a human race, will put that emphasis on our health and wellness towards being enlightened human beings.
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Migraine is een bonzende hoofdpijn die meestal voorkomt aan één kant van de schedel. De pijn is heftig en houdt 4 tot 72 uur aan.
September 6th, 2010 at 1:59 am
Migraine is een ernstige vorm van hoofdpijn. Het treedt in aanvallen op en gaat vaak gepaard met visuele stoornissen en misselijkheid.